So long to electric fences.

I always like to wonder how peculiar life can get. The world always has its way of showing me how my plans for myself can not always work. It's like no matter how carefully I am in handling my life's business, I'll always end up in a place so opposite from what I had originally meant to go. Only this time, it didn't feel wrong. In fact, it felt so right.

You will never know how thick of a wall I'd built around me. Adorned with electric fences, I felt safe. Not peaceful, not ever, but still, I felt protected. it was the kind of wall that repelled any presence, any soul from entering while I stayed inside, wondering why isn't anyone coming to be, at least a friend as loneliness started to glue itself around me, before I realised this was how I chose to live. Alone. So afraid of being hurt that I demolished every emotions that preyed on hope until I have none left. A lifeless soul I became. With no light to be found inside me. It was like looking deep into a cave. You wouldn't find any light as it had been banned to enter. And that was what being me felt like. 

It was not until one fine day, when my eyes caught two presence of souls I've known long but never greeted, and as they drew closer, I found myself waiting for them to turn around, trace back their steps to where they had come from, like any souls I've encountered. They were all the same. They would come near enough, but never succeeded to break into these walls I'd created. So when I saw these two wandering around, I knew not to get my hopes too high. But the unthinkable happened. They came closer and closer, and with such grace and humor, they penetrated through my walls, it was like as if my walls were made from clouds, it looked so easy for them to come in. But it didn't make my walls softened, though soon, I had made them my exception. Thus, begins a friendship. 

I feel it is necessary to describe them. 

Even from afar, they look beautiful. So breathtakingly wonderful. These next words I utter I am sure they will never believe, but the truth can't ever be denied. They are the young ones that colour the world, their laughter and cries injects beauty everywhere they go. Their smiles brighter than the Rygill Star, every lines on their faces, their eyes and noses, every bones they own are what makes them what they are and what they are is beautiful. Inside and outside. I have always cogitated is it possible to be beautiful without trying, with yourself as your only make-ups? And then I looked at them and realised-it is. it is possible and they are the living proof of that. 

I won't wish for them to be around forever, because forever has its toll. I will only wish for them to never forget me, and that maybe, in anything I do, anything, they will find the inspiration they need. I hope I will still be alive in their minds till the end of time, even after i'm gone. I don't know if this is possible, but I hope faith would never have to knock on our doors to draw us apart.

Dull musings of my troubled mind

“Sad words are just another beauty. A sad story means, this storyteller is alive. The next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile." -

Little Bee by Chris Cleave

The consuming shade of the dark night suffocating her sight, the aggravating serenity wrapping around every empty space of the room, with nothing but the intoxicating whispers of still air hitting her eardrum, they invite nothing but self-reflecting thoughts to enter her mind with such force leaving her no choice but to give in. Then she heard whispers. They had come back. The little monsters had come back. Sometimes she wonders why when all she had had been destroyed by them. All the little strains of hope, the every little ounce of dreams she have left, all gone, all thanks to their whispers. yet they still came when all that is left for them to devastate had already been wiped clean by their wrath. Defeated and hopeless, she lied on her bed, absorbing every whisper, drops of opalescent tears she let beaming down, so lost, so irrepairable until at one point there, she was close to being dead. But she wasn't.

Once upon a time, perpetual jubilation had itself woven solidly to my soul. When all the motivation I needed could be found within I, myself and no one else. When I was so secure that I didn't even bother to demand myself to build walls. Instead, I built bridges. Those times I pretty much got everything I wanted, just because I had such an enduring belief in myself. I was free to be whoever I wanted to be. As bright as the stars above I shone. How amazing it is that all above sounds immensely ironic now?

I ponder sometimes where, exactly, down the road I've crossed, could I have lost myself? If only God permit to allow me to go back down the paths I'd ever laid my feet on, and search for the lost, shattered pieces that would perfectly fit together to form who I used to be, so I could be alive and be me again. Is hope substantial enough? Though immeasurable doubt tries its hardest to cloud my spirit, I have to believe it's possible, or else I might as well be dead. 

I hope along all the roads I will cross, I will find something, or maybe even someone, to remind me of how wonderful my life once had been, when I didn't ever find the need to bring about constant comparison between myself and other people. When I was capable of being genuinely happy about myself. This I am very profoundly unsure of, but I hope someday, I will find it in me to utter these words;

"I will stop to have ugly thoughts about myself. 

I like me and I don't want to be somebody else but myself."

Yeah...someday.

"I think it's the words you don't say that haunts you the longest." - Taylor Swift

I forgot the joy of unbottling your feelings and turning them into words. I forgot how much relief that could bring. I always face the truggle of finding the right words to potray exactly what I'm feeling or going through. Sometimes it's because I'm always at a loss of words; don't ask me why 'cause i dont know. But most of the times it's because of the fear of judgements I may receive for what I write. And that right there, ladies and gentlemens is the only reason why I don't go around announcing my blog to everybody.

To those who I do tell my blog to, I demand you to feel lucky 'cause have you any idea how much it takes to confess that this shitty-full-of-emo-bullshit blog is actually mine? Yeah you are friggin welcome. Oh and to those who already knew the existence of my blog, please don't tell anyone that. Why? I'll tell you why. I just don't want to be judged. Okay I know this is lame but hey, I am allowed to have insecurities. I don't want any people to give me looks and shits if they ever find out about this little secret of mine and i'm telling ya, you do not want that to happen to even your worst ex-girlfriends/boyfriends.

On another note, I am one of the proud earthlings that lived through 11.11.11 and to those of you who aren't feeling it, if you know what i'm saying, do start feeling lucky 'cause it won't happen again in 100 years.

A walking travesty, but smiles in everything.

Every time her eyes catches the glimpse of innocence swimming through their every glance, silently her heart would pray for it to never escape their eyes. For her retinas, little childrens are a treasure. They are the moving pictures of what she used to be before her mind wasn't haunted by the orthodox views of society.

She remembers when looks didnt matter. She remembers it all very well. The times when differences aren't visible to the eyes, when the heart and mind held nothing but beautiful thoughts,when forced laughters and fake smiles didn't even exist in the vocabulary. As she flips through the pages of her adolescence and all its glory, she tries to recall the moments when 'fun' actually meant fun. The vivid images of her younger self begins knocking the door of her memory, every lines of joy on her face clearly seen, not a hint of sorrow even. She remembers now. How happy she was back then. She is then stuck on one question. One question she needed the answer so badly; who has she become?

Seems like she's getting worse by the years. Those judgmental mortals can only speculate, but not understand. Those mortals can only see the cover, but not the pages. When all they can afford to lay eyes on is the front stage, but nobody has the courage to stretch their views behind the scene of what is actually happening beneath all the plays she managed to act through. When all she wanted to be was happy, yet all that she is left with is suffocating trails of regret. She always knew the way out. It's not because she refused to set herself free, but because she lacks the courage. The courage of doing what is right. She would be much happier if she would just care less. She knew that. And she tried. But she failed.

Watching little childrens having the time of their lives, getting all content over little things never fails to trigger her secret little desire to be just like them. To have not a single care in the world, to be happy with what she have, and most importantly, to be happy with herself. But who is she kidding? She's way to messed up now. There is no way of turning back.

"Dear young hearts, please don't ever change. If only you have the slightest idea how much of a treasure you really are. Please know how wonderful your minds are. They are ones even adults would kill to have. You are going to get older, and somewhere along the road, you'll realise words can hold such power to make even the most beautiful person be in denial of their own beauty. People will tell you how "pretty" is supposed to look like, how you are supposed to dress in order to be accepted, and the other rules. But you know what? Don't friggin listen. Don't let them tell you how "you" are supposed to be. You, your body, and your mind are all yours. They don't have the right to change that. So please don't let them corrode you. Fitting in feels great, I know. But you know what's not though? When you have to deny who you really are and force yourself into becoming another person who you don't even feel right being just because you want to be accepted. No matter what you do, please don't ever change.You are amazing just the way you are and I hate saying this because it sounds like that one Bruno Mars's song but what can I say, that dude speak of the truth. Oh one more thing. Don't ever forget how beautiful you are. Even for one second. Promise?"

Love,

Yours truly.

Say something nice, or don't say anything at all.

Sometimes, it's easier to isolate yourself from the things around you and let your thoughts be your only friend. That particular habit of mine makes people think I'm rather quiet and to be honest, I always like to take that as a compliment. Well I can be a little bubbly at times, don't get me wrong. I am quite comfortable being shy and not having much to talk about ( though sometimes I may have a little too many things to say ) but one of these days I at times wish someone would care enough to take the risk of knowing me a little deeper beneath my outer surface. Okay I may not have the most welcoming face in the world, but I'll reply a smile if given one. I guess what I'm trying to say is whenever you're feeling the urge to judge a person with their exterior appearance being the only reason, restrain yourself. Chances are, you are only going to be just another contribution to their source of laughter.

Hearts So Pure In This Broken Place.

Please listen to this while you read c: It helps, I promise.

The sky was crying. She felt the cloud imitating her wounded heart. She rested her gaze upon the streets full of life and wondered how such lifeless soul like herself could blend in to such atmosphere.  As her footsteps traced the pavement, her mind displayed the thoughts she tried to run away from, but couldn't. They ran around in her mind, forcing her to believe the tragedy behind her existence were destined to be the reason she had to disguise her wounds. so now they were unseen. She could felt judging stares piercing her skin as drops of rain fell onto her. Perhaps the visage of a girl walking around with no umbrella in her hand on a rainy day seemed absurd. But that was what she was; absurd. She never tried to change it. She never found the reason to.

A girl about her age passed by and through the corner of her eyes, she felt herself shrank as her gaze met the girl's perfect complexion. The hair, the clothes, the face. it was all so perfect. She looked away, continuing her pace. But behind the blank expression, lies many wishes, waiting to be born into reality. She wished she wasn't so ugly. She wished the flesh around her bones could somehow diminish so she wouldn't have to be so fat. She wished she could be good enough. She turned right as the view of her favourite coffee shop greeted her eyes. With the absence of light in her eyes, she entered Starbucks but immediately forced the remaining life inside her to be shown in her eyes as soon as she noticed the people were staring at her, as if they were figuring her sad vibes. She never liked these kinds of attention. She ordered herself a Cinnamon Dolce Crème Frappuccino before making her way to a table, far away from anyone else and took a seat near the window.

Surrounded with strangers, she felt foreign. New faces freaked her out. Perhaps that stood behind the reason why people would misunderstood her for being arrogant at times. Well, she didn't find the need to blame them. It was hers. It was her fault that she was never good at saying hellos. She placed her gaze outside the window, grasping and drinking in the beauty of the skies, lurking beneath the dark clouds. Through her eyes, she followed the steps of strangers passing by, yet again wishing for the same thing. For that beauty she never seemed to have. With her eyes fixed on passing strangers, she began to isolate herself from the world and soon enough, she was lost in her own thoughts. A lot of things danced around in her mind. She fell into patheticism as she wondered, since when did beauty matter so much to her? She stared at the visage of her old self her mind had conjured for her to see and suddenly, a wave of regret swept through her, shattering the glass of pretense she built around her soul. she began to search for that happy, normal girl she used to be. It was there inside her, though she could feel as if 'she' was fading into a black hole. Just like a firedrill alarm, it strucked her. What have she become? How could she let those immaterial things destroyed her?

She didn't notice the waiter already had her order on the table. She drank her frappucino, calculating how long she had been staring out the window. She looked around and no one seemed to care. For some reasons, she was a bit relieved by the ignorance shown by those unfamiliar faces. She focused all her senses into tasting every hint of heaven in her coffee, in an attempt to distract her mind from being stucked in her corrosive thoughts. She had fear of her own thoughts for they had the ability to corrode her tough confidence. Well, she had her reasons. The proof was there. She'd lost her confidence to her mind. Her dark, tainted mind. She took a last sip of her coffee and got up. She placed her sling back around her shoulder and walked out. At the front door, there stood a waiter. she recalled him. He was the waiter who took her order. Her lips curved a thin smile as she passed him.

"Hey, I'm sorry miss, but you forgot you bills slip." He said, offering a warm smile. She couldnt help but to think that was the warmest smile she had ever received from a stranger. "Oh I'm sorry. Thanks." She nodded at him and soon she was out of the coffee shop. Though she was puzzled by the waiter's little remark, She thought no shopkeeper would care enough if their customer forgot to take their bills slip home, She kept it in her pocket, with no intention of throwing it away. After a few steps away from the coffee shop, she had the urge to look back. She didn't know why, It was not because she'd left something, She just wanted to. So she did. her eyebrow raised when her eyes met the waiter's, a little bit surprised to see he was still there, looking at her. Her mind thought of the bills slip and though hesitated, she traced her fingers to her pocket and pulled the bills slip out. She flipped it backward. The letters scribled on the paper made her smile; not just an ordinary smile. It was the first time she was capable to carve such sincere curve on her face in a long time. She looked up and saw the waiter walking towards her. She freezed herself, anxious of what the waiter would do next. Seeing her current state, soft chuckle escaped his delicate lips. He moved towards her inch by inch until there was no distance left between them.She could feel her heartbeat beating loudly in her chest as she stared at him, just waiting for his next action. Her heartbeat beated faster as he leaned down to her face level. He then whispered, "Please stop hiding that lovely smile, you're beautiful. " For once in her life, she believed a stranger.

P.S My sister find it hard to believe that I wrote that story all by myself.  :|

Why the fuck is it that everytime I try to write a post, my mind just turn blank and I always end up not writing anything?!
I need medications.

Lynx; Have a Long Life.

I've always loved cats. They're too adorable not to like. I've always wanted them as a pet. It would be surely wonderful to have something to go home to. Well, long story cut short, I've adopted a pet cat. A kitten, to be exact. I actually got him from my friend, Rossa. He's just an ordinary cat. He's not from any special breed or any of that sort. Still, he is very special to me. 

So I didn't want to just give him any names. Not something that pops out of mind just like that. I've had a list of names i thought would suit my cat, but my mind just kept on rejecting. I never knew naming a cat would rise this much trouble, lol. Then, i remembed watching this documentary on NatGeoWild about a species of wild cat, namely Lynx. They have exceptionally stunning features but unfortunately endangered. The first time I saw them, I fell in love instantly. So there you go. A short story behind my cat's name, lol. Yeah so his name is now Lynx and I love him to bits. Here's a few pictures of the actual Lynx. Beautiful, isn't it?

P.S

I wish I could adopt one of these darlings <3

Love in its sincerest form.

Cant wait for them to get older and see how it goes from here. 

Owned?

I've been trying to squeeze my brain for something worth a post, but i failed. So take this instead. A few meaningless sentences that doesnt even make sense but is still gonna be seen and read. Like what you're doing right now.

kthnxbye.

Japan, Hang In There.

Japan is in a very horrible state of danger, and we all know it. While we are whining about our so-called terrible life, people in japan are struggling to grasp safety and security which are far beyond their reach. While we are starving ourselves to sleep just to look presentable, people in Japan are dying for water and food. While we are complaining about how we dont have a pretty house like some other people, the people in japan dont even have a roof over their head. 


If you care enough to explore facebook, you'll see filthy comments about how the tsunami in japan are the karma for destroying Pearl Harbour ect ect and that they deserve it. Sigh, some people are just born ignorant, aren't they? Wake the fuck up, people! We are lucky we are not there when it happened! Imagine watching our loved ones die right in front of our eyes, imagine dicovering the remaining bodies of our families among the remaining pieces of buildings, imagine the pain we would have felt. God, im sorry for the rude words but these people deserve that.


For the people in Japan, Im sorry i dont have enough money to donate, nor do I have enough possessions that will help. But my prayers are with you and I believe in the power of prayer and miracle will greet you, anytime, any day. It's just a matter of time. Hang in there, allright?

As for myself and my country, I pray to you Allah, for forgiveness and security. I  and every single soul in my land are of people with sins and in all humbleness, we are asking  for your blessing to be spilled upon us. Please protect us, Allah for we are your servants which possess no strengths to fight these disasters by ourselves. Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Don't Let 'Em Say You Aint Beautiful.

"When things don't feel right, know that you're not alone."

This is what my bestfriend wrote on my palm in the class. She asked to erase it, afraid it might look silly to me. But she will never know how I felt that day. She will never know how much I thank her for this. She will never know how amazed i was at her ability of detecting my sorrow even when i wasnt showing it. And I will never forget her smile when she finished writing it down. That sweet little smile, gave me hope. 

You stick by me & when I turn you shine my world with your smile.
You laugh at my jokes when they're lame & tell me you love me even when I annoy you.
You're my friend, all that I ever need. If I'm perfect as what you claimed, I wouldn't be w/o you. You're a piece in my life that made me what I am today.
WTF! DON'T YOU GO AROUND BEING DEPRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol. She commented this on my status when i posted quite an emotional one on Facebook. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. How did this kid know me too well?

The thing is, my mum thinks she is a bad influence for me. That she set a bad example. Well guess what mum? She was there when I needed a hug. She knew all my problems. She knew all about me that you couldnt even guess. She never throw curses or bad words whenever I made her upset. She made my life better when things at home weren't even right. She was there, behind me all the time when I needed help. 

And you know what mum? She's a fuckin genius. She made it through Chemistry test even when she did not study at all. She passed greatly on Additional Mathematics and she has such a good personality than you'll ever have. She's got straight A's in her PMR and I know her a lot better than you do and you can keep your ignorant judgements to yourself.

Best friend, I love you. You're beautiful. No, im not saying this because you're my best friend. Im saying this because i thought you should know the truth, that you're really beautiful. 

"When things don't feel right, know that you're not alone."

This is what my bestfriend wrote in my palm in the class. She asked to erase it, afraid it might look silly to me. But she will never know how I felt that day. She will never know how much I thank her for this. She will never know how amazed i was at her ability of detecting my sorrow even when i wasnt showing it. And I will never for get her smile when she finished writing it down. That sweet smile, gave me hope.


You stick by me & when I turn you shine my world with your smile.

You laugh at my jokes when they're lame & tell me you love me even when I annoy you.

You're my friend, all that I ever need. If I'm perfect as what you claimed, I wouldn't be w/o you. You're a piece in my life that made me what I am today.

WTF! DON'T YOU GO AROUND BEING DEPRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Lol. She posted this on my wall when i posted quite an emotional status on Facebook. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. How did this kid know me too well?

Re-posting.

The feelings of fear comes overpowering my surrounding, wrapping around me as I pulled my legs close to my chest. I have been left alone in a room full of strangers, been ditched by a friend in an unfamiliar place and have walked in a lonely street with not a sign of soul anywhere but I have never felt this lonely and scared in my 16 years of life.
I hear my little sisters' laughter outside my room and I take my mind back to 11 years ago. I can see the younger version of myself, running wildly around the house, traits of happiness plastered across my face, genuine laughter I let out, it was the times when misery didnt exist.
I take myself back to where I am now, the vision of myself vanished with an imaginary puff and I wonder to myself; I want to be 5 again. I want to be fearless and carefree without having to worry about these things I worry. Why does everyone wants me to fall apart? My sight turns blurry. Tears spring to my eyes and without warning, they fall down my cheek, and without stopping, they continue to flow.
I am 16 and I am miserable. How can this even possible? It is supposed to be the age of fun, the age of experimenting, the age of exploring. I guess i had chosen the wrong path. Where I am now is not a wonderful view. I want to go back and start over.

This is what I do when i'm upset. I write a short note about it. This may sound silly and stupid, but it is my only way of expressing myself. everytime im noting down my feelings into words, i can just feel the pain, flowing down from my heart to my arm, all the way through the end of my pen and  and when it comes to the tip of it, i feel a relief spreading inside my body, like a shot of cold water after a scorching hot day. And that is how I feel now. I am not sure about tomorrow, but i'll worry about it when I have to. 

If You Need To Cry, Just Do It.

Crying occurs when the body reacts emotionally to something. Tears are a reaction of the nervous system to try and ease our pain, just as we would when physically harmed. The body senses our distress and the cranial nerve in the brain is stimulated, this sends signals to the neurotransmitters in the tear glands to make us cry. These tears contain high levels of manganese and the hormone prolactin in order to reduce the amount of these chemicals in the body, a defence mechanism produced to keep depression away. This is why many people feel better after they cry, because these excess hormones have been reduced and the body is returned to a more stable state.  

Sometimes we say we can’t cry anymore. Why? Well, if you keep triggering a stimulus, the nervous system stops responding. If you keep pressing on a bruise, after a while the nerves won’t respond anymore and it won’t hurt. If you keep getting upset, the body might not react to it, you might not cry, and you probably feel worse. 

So if you need to cry, just do it. It might be distressing, it might make you feel weak, it might make your eyes puffy, but it also might make you feel better. 

I Wish I'd Never Grown Up.

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder that I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up

This is the song that i would sing to myself if i ever be given the chance to turn back time and talk to the younger version of myself.

twenty years from now you will be dissapointed by the things you didnt do than by the ones you did do.

We All Have a Story, of Adolescence and All It's Glory.

This is a story about a girl.

The girl who has always been a loyal believer of the fairytales.

The girl who believes every story starts with a 'Once upon a time...'

And ends with a 'happily ever after..'

Eventhough she is aware that reality would always try to break into her thoughts and whisper the heartbreaking words, "Life is not a fairytale, sweetheart. Wake up."

But poor girl, she would shook her head and hold her ears, refusing to listen.

Little did she know, there will come a day where all her hopes will be destroyed,

by just a small but hurting action of a person whom she put all her love to.

I always like to start my story with 'Once upon a time...' and although i try my best to end it with a 'happily ever after..', there will always be that something which i come across down the road that leads my story to the opposite way. And this is just one of my unsuccessful attempts of turning my life into a storybook.


I fell in love. He was not a prince, nor did he own a white horse. He was once just a small boy with a dream. We lived in a small area of a town, too far away from the hustle bustle of the city. Years passed by, we grew out of our soft skins and in a blink of an eyes, we were as tall as a tree.


As i think about all this, i count the moments we are apart and realise, we have left that phase of adolescence 5 years ago. As my mind revolves around you, i feel my heart conquered by hopelessness and i wonder, out of millions people on earth, why did i fall in love with you? 

Eventhough i knew, it would be impossible to wait on you because, well...it's simple. You will never love me. throughout that 5 years, im sure that you must be in love with someone. though it hurts me to convince myself, but i can't close my eyes to the possibility. I guess this is just me. Always wanting the impossible. well, they all say the forbidden fruit is the sweetest...


I wish i can end this with a 'happily ever after.' but reality won't let me.



Goodbye, prince.
















Music: She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
Quote:  Dear heart, why him?

Do You Hear That, Love? They're Playing Our Song.

Have you ever sit on a bench in the park with your head down, waiting for a surprise? a simple hye from a stranger maybe. When it didnt happen, you leave your small notebook on the bench intentionally then walk away and wait for someone to tap your shoulder and says, "is this yours?"


I always hope for something like that. For someone to care, for something to make my day. it could be a hug from a stranger, a sincere smile from an unknown person on the street, or a wave of little hands from random kids you see.


One night, when the time seemed to crawl slow and the pitter patter of the rain hit the window, i was lying on the bed with my face covered with a blanket. I was crying for something bad i'd done to myself. the tears were uncontrolable as i couldnt stop them from falling. Then I felt little hands wander around the surface of my blanket and pull it off my face. i look up and saw a face, a face of a 3 year old kid. my mouth was shut. i was unprepared when she suddenly kiss my cheek and wipe my tears with those smooth little hands. This was unexpected. I smiled and the tears finally stopped.

Music: All About Us - He Is We

 Quote: Children dont grow up. Our bodies get bigger, but our hearts get torn up.

My Heart Is Burning Red

Pardon me for my lack of excitement,

But I’m not entirely thrilled.

Stutter when I talk,

Flail around as I walk,

Yeah the moment’s been killed.

And I’m not good at this no, not all.

I’m not good at this.

I’m a wreck and I know it,

And I tend to show it every chance that I get.

Butterflies in the skies, they just fly on by.

Yeah they’re making me sick.

They don’t flutter about, I’d do without.

All they do is kick.

Mean it truly,

Sincere heart.

Why do you do this to me?

Tear me apart.

It’s my fault and I know it,

And I tend to blow it, no thanks to you.

Its like you sit and you watch me,

You poke and you taunt me, it’s all that you do.

And I’m not fighting that no, not at all.

Just want to be something, a name you call.

The lips you taste just to fall, madly in love.

Mean it truly,

Sincere heart.

Why do you do this to me?

Tear me apart.

I got my eyes set on you,

My heart is burning red.

All of my words come out wrong,

Run circles in my head.

You had me and I melted,

In the palm of your hand.

You know it yes I felt it,

You’ll never understand.

Mean it truly,

Sincere heart.

Why do you do this to me?

Tear me apart.

Mean it truly,

Sincere heart.

Why do you do this to me?

Tear me apart.