Date a girl who reads.

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Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Dear future boyfriend,

 The time may be ticking, 

 And when you look around you,

 Souls may be roaming around so, so lively,

Yet in my world; it had long stopped spinning.

But then again, it's no wonder for as lifeless a soul as mine.

No longer your muse.

Have you ever woke up to a dream, the kind that stole a portion of your heart away the minute your eyes fluttered open? The kind of dream which kept you to wonder, where did that portion go? A dream that consist of a face you vowed you will never forget? a long lost best friend, or one which you spend almost your entire childhood with? The one your heart just refuse to let go? The one that got away? 

The path I took to get here had led me away from that of yours. 6 years I've stopped being a character to your memories and I wonder along those years, have you ever took a day to miss me? Have your eyes ever fell on the empty chair that was supposed to be mine to sit and found yourself wishing I was still there? Have you, love? Have you ever missed me like I missed you?

When I think of you, the monsters in my mind vanish their lethal whispers, and my heart starts to fill itself with serenity and genuine happiness, which flows so tenderly, spilling through my body. It's always nostalgic. The yearn of being able to see you and be with you everyday sometimes forces desperation to tear my heart apart as realization comes to the door, telling me it's absurd and out of the question. Dreaming is all I could afford, it's the closest I will ever get to you. 

At the age of adolescence we met. We may be little, we may be so naive, but we were just kids who found love and liked the way it made us feel.  In a small town that we always referred to as if it was a kingdom, we drew memories I swore I will never fail to remember again and again, even after years and years of growing up. And look what I'm doing now? Let's see if I remember it well.

I used to hang out with your sister playing doctors and other stuffs kids do and it was always at your house. This one time, you fought with your sister because she didn't let you play with us and you really wanted to. And there's this one time when your dog took my slipper and you ran after him to get it back. Ah, my hero. I also remember when we played at the park till the sky was almost dark, which we never noticed because we were having fun, too much fun. The moment when you put your hands on mine while we gathered with our friends telling stories, the moment when you glared at your friend while him and I were sitting together, laughing while playing games. The moment when you said, "yes of course, love." with a cheeky smile when I asked you to draw me a train. I can't seem to forget your voice when you sing. I remember your birthday, your handwritings, the way your fingers wrapped around your pencil when you write, I remember everything about you. I don't know why when I could have been entirely forgotten by you. New memories form and the old ones begin to fade, I understand if that happens to you, though that never happens to me. I won't blame you for that for I am merely a stone. Not a diamond you would never have trouble remembering. 

Funny how this all started when we were 8. Funnier when I'm still stuck with the past eventhough it was 8 years ago. now, you're older and wiser. You'd  found new friends and in a place where all good things come from. Traces of innocence has escaped your feature, and now replaced with a glowing glory of a man. Experienced many things and learned many things, too. Look how far time had left us and how much changes it brought. And now here I am desperately wishing for you to never forget me.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when the skies are grey.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
So please don't take, my sunshine away."

You sang this to me on the day I moved away. One of the many things I will never forget till the end of my time. I love you, and I will always do. I will love you when you found your true love, I will love you even when you have kids. Just remember to tell them about me, okay? And I will love you for as long as time and I'm not planning to stop. They say your childhood stays with you and never leaves. I guess I see the point in that. Never thought the crush I had for you when I was little could stay this long.

Even though I am now living with the doubt that you may not remember me as you used to, you may not remember the reason you loved me before, but I hope that wherever you are, you will always have a person to make you smile. I hope that you will always be happy and that monsters will never be able to reach to you. I hope on lonely nights and weary days, you will find it in you to be cheerful again. Please never stop wearing that smile. And I hope, when you look at me, you will remember all those things that I remember. Maybe, in another life, I will be your girl. But for now, have a damn good life, Dominic. You will probably never going to know this but I don't think I will ever stop having feelings for you, no matter how old I get. 

So long to electric fences.

I always like to wonder how peculiar life can get. The world always has its way of showing me how my plans for myself can not always work. It's like no matter how carefully I am in handling my life's business, I'll always end up in a place so opposite from what I had originally meant to go. Only this time, it didn't feel wrong. In fact, it felt so right.

You will never know how thick of a wall I'd built around me. Adorned with electric fences, I felt safe. Not peaceful, not ever, but still, I felt protected. it was the kind of wall that repelled any presence, any soul from entering while I stayed inside, wondering why isn't anyone coming to be, at least a friend as loneliness started to glue itself around me, before I realised this was how I chose to live. Alone. So afraid of being hurt that I demolished every emotions that preyed on hope until I have none left. A lifeless soul I became. With no light to be found inside me. It was like looking deep into a cave. You wouldn't find any light as it had been banned to enter. And that was what being me felt like. 

It was not until one fine day, when my eyes caught two presence of souls I've known long but never greeted, and as they drew closer, I found myself waiting for them to turn around, trace back their steps to where they had come from, like any souls I've encountered. They were all the same. They would come near enough, but never succeeded to break into these walls I'd created. So when I saw these two wandering around, I knew not to get my hopes too high. But the unthinkable happened. They came closer and closer, and with such grace and humor, they penetrated through my walls, it was like as if my walls were made from clouds, it looked so easy for them to come in. But it didn't make my walls softened, though soon, I had made them my exception. Thus, begins a friendship. 

I feel it is necessary to describe them. 

Even from afar, they look beautiful. So breathtakingly wonderful. These next words I utter I am sure they will never believe, but the truth can't ever be denied. They are the young ones that colour the world, their laughter and cries injects beauty everywhere they go. Their smiles brighter than the Rygill Star, every lines on their faces, their eyes and noses, every bones they own are what makes them what they are and what they are is beautiful. Inside and outside. I have always cogitated is it possible to be beautiful without trying, with yourself as your only make-ups? And then I looked at them and realised-it is. it is possible and they are the living proof of that. 

I won't wish for them to be around forever, because forever has its toll. I will only wish for them to never forget me, and that maybe, in anything I do, anything, they will find the inspiration they need. I hope I will still be alive in their minds till the end of time, even after i'm gone. I don't know if this is possible, but I hope faith would never have to knock on our doors to draw us apart.

A walking travesty, but smiles in everything.

Every time her eyes catches the glimpse of innocence swimming through their every glance, silently her heart would pray for it to never escape their eyes. For her retinas, little childrens are a treasure. They are the moving pictures of what she used to be before her mind wasn't haunted by the orthodox views of society.

She remembers when looks didnt matter. She remembers it all very well. The times when differences aren't visible to the eyes, when the heart and mind held nothing but beautiful thoughts,when forced laughters and fake smiles didn't even exist in the vocabulary. As she flips through the pages of her adolescence and all its glory, she tries to recall the moments when 'fun' actually meant fun. The vivid images of her younger self begins knocking the door of her memory, every lines of joy on her face clearly seen, not a hint of sorrow even. She remembers now. How happy she was back then. She is then stuck on one question. One question she needed the answer so badly; who has she become?

Seems like she's getting worse by the years. Those judgmental mortals can only speculate, but not understand. Those mortals can only see the cover, but not the pages. When all they can afford to lay eyes on is the front stage, but nobody has the courage to stretch their views behind the scene of what is actually happening beneath all the plays she managed to act through. When all she wanted to be was happy, yet all that she is left with is suffocating trails of regret. She always knew the way out. It's not because she refused to set herself free, but because she lacks the courage. The courage of doing what is right. She would be much happier if she would just care less. She knew that. And she tried. But she failed.

Watching little childrens having the time of their lives, getting all content over little things never fails to trigger her secret little desire to be just like them. To have not a single care in the world, to be happy with what she have, and most importantly, to be happy with herself. But who is she kidding? She's way to messed up now. There is no way of turning back.

"Dear young hearts, please don't ever change. If only you have the slightest idea how much of a treasure you really are. Please know how wonderful your minds are. They are ones even adults would kill to have. You are going to get older, and somewhere along the road, you'll realise words can hold such power to make even the most beautiful person be in denial of their own beauty. People will tell you how "pretty" is supposed to look like, how you are supposed to dress in order to be accepted, and the other rules. But you know what? Don't friggin listen. Don't let them tell you how "you" are supposed to be. You, your body, and your mind are all yours. They don't have the right to change that. So please don't let them corrode you. Fitting in feels great, I know. But you know what's not though? When you have to deny who you really are and force yourself into becoming another person who you don't even feel right being just because you want to be accepted. No matter what you do, please don't ever change.You are amazing just the way you are and I hate saying this because it sounds like that one Bruno Mars's song but what can I say, that dude speak of the truth. Oh one more thing. Don't ever forget how beautiful you are. Even for one second. Promise?"

Love,

Yours truly.

Say something nice, or don't say anything at all.

Sometimes, it's easier to isolate yourself from the things around you and let your thoughts be your only friend. That particular habit of mine makes people think I'm rather quiet and to be honest, I always like to take that as a compliment. Well I can be a little bubbly at times, don't get me wrong. I am quite comfortable being shy and not having much to talk about ( though sometimes I may have a little too many things to say ) but one of these days I at times wish someone would care enough to take the risk of knowing me a little deeper beneath my outer surface. Okay I may not have the most welcoming face in the world, but I'll reply a smile if given one. I guess what I'm trying to say is whenever you're feeling the urge to judge a person with their exterior appearance being the only reason, restrain yourself. Chances are, you are only going to be just another contribution to their source of laughter.

Hearts So Pure In This Broken Place.

Please listen to this while you read c: It helps, I promise.

The sky was crying. She felt the cloud imitating her wounded heart. She rested her gaze upon the streets full of life and wondered how such lifeless soul like herself could blend in to such atmosphere.  As her footsteps traced the pavement, her mind displayed the thoughts she tried to run away from, but couldn't. They ran around in her mind, forcing her to believe the tragedy behind her existence were destined to be the reason she had to disguise her wounds. so now they were unseen. She could felt judging stares piercing her skin as drops of rain fell onto her. Perhaps the visage of a girl walking around with no umbrella in her hand on a rainy day seemed absurd. But that was what she was; absurd. She never tried to change it. She never found the reason to.

A girl about her age passed by and through the corner of her eyes, she felt herself shrank as her gaze met the girl's perfect complexion. The hair, the clothes, the face. it was all so perfect. She looked away, continuing her pace. But behind the blank expression, lies many wishes, waiting to be born into reality. She wished she wasn't so ugly. She wished the flesh around her bones could somehow diminish so she wouldn't have to be so fat. She wished she could be good enough. She turned right as the view of her favourite coffee shop greeted her eyes. With the absence of light in her eyes, she entered Starbucks but immediately forced the remaining life inside her to be shown in her eyes as soon as she noticed the people were staring at her, as if they were figuring her sad vibes. She never liked these kinds of attention. She ordered herself a Cinnamon Dolce Crème Frappuccino before making her way to a table, far away from anyone else and took a seat near the window.

Surrounded with strangers, she felt foreign. New faces freaked her out. Perhaps that stood behind the reason why people would misunderstood her for being arrogant at times. Well, she didn't find the need to blame them. It was hers. It was her fault that she was never good at saying hellos. She placed her gaze outside the window, grasping and drinking in the beauty of the skies, lurking beneath the dark clouds. Through her eyes, she followed the steps of strangers passing by, yet again wishing for the same thing. For that beauty she never seemed to have. With her eyes fixed on passing strangers, she began to isolate herself from the world and soon enough, she was lost in her own thoughts. A lot of things danced around in her mind. She fell into patheticism as she wondered, since when did beauty matter so much to her? She stared at the visage of her old self her mind had conjured for her to see and suddenly, a wave of regret swept through her, shattering the glass of pretense she built around her soul. she began to search for that happy, normal girl she used to be. It was there inside her, though she could feel as if 'she' was fading into a black hole. Just like a firedrill alarm, it strucked her. What have she become? How could she let those immaterial things destroyed her?

She didn't notice the waiter already had her order on the table. She drank her frappucino, calculating how long she had been staring out the window. She looked around and no one seemed to care. For some reasons, she was a bit relieved by the ignorance shown by those unfamiliar faces. She focused all her senses into tasting every hint of heaven in her coffee, in an attempt to distract her mind from being stucked in her corrosive thoughts. She had fear of her own thoughts for they had the ability to corrode her tough confidence. Well, she had her reasons. The proof was there. She'd lost her confidence to her mind. Her dark, tainted mind. She took a last sip of her coffee and got up. She placed her sling back around her shoulder and walked out. At the front door, there stood a waiter. she recalled him. He was the waiter who took her order. Her lips curved a thin smile as she passed him.

"Hey, I'm sorry miss, but you forgot you bills slip." He said, offering a warm smile. She couldnt help but to think that was the warmest smile she had ever received from a stranger. "Oh I'm sorry. Thanks." She nodded at him and soon she was out of the coffee shop. Though she was puzzled by the waiter's little remark, She thought no shopkeeper would care enough if their customer forgot to take their bills slip home, She kept it in her pocket, with no intention of throwing it away. After a few steps away from the coffee shop, she had the urge to look back. She didn't know why, It was not because she'd left something, She just wanted to. So she did. her eyebrow raised when her eyes met the waiter's, a little bit surprised to see he was still there, looking at her. Her mind thought of the bills slip and though hesitated, she traced her fingers to her pocket and pulled the bills slip out. She flipped it backward. The letters scribled on the paper made her smile; not just an ordinary smile. It was the first time she was capable to carve such sincere curve on her face in a long time. She looked up and saw the waiter walking towards her. She freezed herself, anxious of what the waiter would do next. Seeing her current state, soft chuckle escaped his delicate lips. He moved towards her inch by inch until there was no distance left between them.She could feel her heartbeat beating loudly in her chest as she stared at him, just waiting for his next action. Her heartbeat beated faster as he leaned down to her face level. He then whispered, "Please stop hiding that lovely smile, you're beautiful. " For once in her life, she believed a stranger.

P.S My sister find it hard to believe that I wrote that story all by myself.  :|