Re-posting.

The feelings of fear comes overpowering my surrounding, wrapping around me as I pulled my legs close to my chest. I have been left alone in a room full of strangers, been ditched by a friend in an unfamiliar place and have walked in a lonely street with not a sign of soul anywhere but I have never felt this lonely and scared in my 16 years of life.
I hear my little sisters' laughter outside my room and I take my mind back to 11 years ago. I can see the younger version of myself, running wildly around the house, traits of happiness plastered across my face, genuine laughter I let out, it was the times when misery didnt exist.
I take myself back to where I am now, the vision of myself vanished with an imaginary puff and I wonder to myself; I want to be 5 again. I want to be fearless and carefree without having to worry about these things I worry. Why does everyone wants me to fall apart? My sight turns blurry. Tears spring to my eyes and without warning, they fall down my cheek, and without stopping, they continue to flow.
I am 16 and I am miserable. How can this even possible? It is supposed to be the age of fun, the age of experimenting, the age of exploring. I guess i had chosen the wrong path. Where I am now is not a wonderful view. I want to go back and start over.

This is what I do when i'm upset. I write a short note about it. This may sound silly and stupid, but it is my only way of expressing myself. everytime im noting down my feelings into words, i can just feel the pain, flowing down from my heart to my arm, all the way through the end of my pen and  and when it comes to the tip of it, i feel a relief spreading inside my body, like a shot of cold water after a scorching hot day. And that is how I feel now. I am not sure about tomorrow, but i'll worry about it when I have to. 

If You Need To Cry, Just Do It.

Crying occurs when the body reacts emotionally to something. Tears are a reaction of the nervous system to try and ease our pain, just as we would when physically harmed. The body senses our distress and the cranial nerve in the brain is stimulated, this sends signals to the neurotransmitters in the tear glands to make us cry. These tears contain high levels of manganese and the hormone prolactin in order to reduce the amount of these chemicals in the body, a defence mechanism produced to keep depression away. This is why many people feel better after they cry, because these excess hormones have been reduced and the body is returned to a more stable state.  

Sometimes we say we can’t cry anymore. Why? Well, if you keep triggering a stimulus, the nervous system stops responding. If you keep pressing on a bruise, after a while the nerves won’t respond anymore and it won’t hurt. If you keep getting upset, the body might not react to it, you might not cry, and you probably feel worse. 

So if you need to cry, just do it. It might be distressing, it might make you feel weak, it might make your eyes puffy, but it also might make you feel better. 

I Wish I'd Never Grown Up.

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder that I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up

This is the song that i would sing to myself if i ever be given the chance to turn back time and talk to the younger version of myself.